Funny one-liners to share with your bestie

Find humour in these quotes curated by the Readgrad review team and, while you are at it, why not share them with your partner or best friedn, too?

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” — Cynthia Heimel

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” — Doug Larson

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” — E. B. White

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott

“A woman is like a teabag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” — George Carlin

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” — Harlan Ellison

“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.” — Dave Barry

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Jack Benny

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” — Clint Eastwood

“The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.” — Josh Billings

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

"When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That's how doors work."

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